Clearly we need to talk

[Continued from previous post]

After a weird night and interesting morning after drunkenly making out with a close friend of mine, I was terrified to receive a “we need to talk” text, and I made it known. Why do people even use that awful phrase? We made plans to grab dinner two days later after my evening classes, and the entire time leading up to it, I was pretty panicked. What if he was upset with me? Did I take advantage of him? Who initiated it? Did he regret it? Did I regret it? How the hell could I make this all go away?

We both arrived at the restaurant and the first thing I realized was how nicely dressed he was. He looked really handsome (read: I wanted to touch his muscles). He immediately started the conversation by letting me know that I had nothing to apologize for, and that he was happy what happened happened. We joked a little, talked a lot, and he filled in some small details that he remembered from the evening. Apparently, after my smooth “want to come upstairs and look at the dead ladybug on my lightbulb” line, he laid down on my bed, and I got on top of him and wrote his name on his forehead with liquid eyeliner (what the fuck?). Somewhere after that the kissing occurred. We aren’t quite sure who started it, but neither of us were complaining.

We talked about what should happen next. I was pretty scared through the entire chat, but he was sweet and I appreciated it. Ultimately, we decided to see where things go and to spend some time getting to know one another. I was really hesitant because I’ve seen him date a few people in our friend group, and I was really nervous he might want a relationship more than wanting a particular person. He shared with me how he’s become more picky, and yes, wants a relationship… but with the right person. I also asked why many of his relationships recently have failed, which responded that people moving or planning to move really made things hard.

We made plans to watch a movie at my apartment later that week and it was really great.

Obviously, it’s been about a month since Valentine’s Day. We all know how terribly uncommitted I am to this blog, so expecting that Ill go through all the details of this month is pretty unrealistic. Instead, I offer you the bulleted sparknotes version (which I will keep in chronological order-ish):

• Friday movie night – he came over, we watched movies, he decided to sleep over, and I thought it was really cute that he wanted to spend the night on our first “real” date even when sex wasnt on the table. We had a great time, and then the next morning, sex was put on the table… my bad. (It was OK. It has improved SIGNIFICANTLY).
• His dating history – I had some hangups about knowing so many women he dated, so I asked him about it. Turns out he has only slept with 5 people; four of which I know, and the fifth being the girl he lost his virginity to at 23. Since, I have learned that he has been in one “serious” relationship, which he ended because of different values/interests. The other girls he was interested in pursuing, but they were either crazy (confirmed), or moving.
• MOAR DATES and texting – I reread my posts from when I was dating TP and it was scary, because a lot of how I talked about him at the beginning is how I feel about RH. That being said, I feel about a zillion times better about RH. He is thoughtful, willing to talk about things that are on my/his mind, and he always initiates texts and asks me to spend time with him. This is the first time in a while where I have felt confident in someone’s feelings toward me, and haven’t been overanalyzing to the point of ruining something good. 
• Our friends all know (ugh) – I am a private person, so I am sure you can imagine how mortified I was when the day after valentines day girls were coming up to me and saying “I heard you and RH had sex. He’s a great guy, good for you.” This past weekend, we went out with our friend group and kept our distance, but at the end of the night were pretty drunk and split a cab home (to my apartment) with another group of friends who live by me. I guess that means the cat is out of the bag. He really wants to just have it out there so things aren’t weird, and I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone and see what happens.

This weekend should be interesting and fun. I have some friends in town and we are all going to a big St. Pattys Day parade/festival and RH will be there (actually, he is planning the event). I should probably write a bit more to end this post, but I am tired, so its going to end on this awkward note. More updates to come soon 🙂

-“R”

Breakups, Ladybugs, and Nosy Friends

Oh hello there, I am happy to report that I am not dead, I am just horrific at updating this. When we last spoke, I was trying to sort things out with The Psychologist after a little bit of a rough patch. Turns out, the rough patch won, and sometime in early December I sent him an email ending things. You know what’s funny? When you’re in it, breaking up seems like the end of the world (how are you going to live without that person? Will anyone like you again?) but getting past it is always way less difficult (at least for me) than one would imagine.  So, I sent the email, drove home for a few days, and moved on with my life. Also somewhere in all of that, I decided to grab drinks and make out with my ex boyfriend the premature ejaculator.

It took me one month and twenty four days to move on. Well, more accurately, it took me three days to move on, but a little less than two months to find myself in a new ‘situation’. I haven’t shared much about my friends out here, but the young professional circle is a pretty tight one, and borderline ancestral. Back when I was dating NAVY boy, during my first few weeks out here, I met a guy who we will refer to as RH. I remember thinking to myself that he was cute, but kind of a jerk because he didn’t really talk to me or my boyfriend. Turns out he was just shy.

In the time that I’ve known RH (1.5 years now), I have seen him unsuccessfully date 3 women. He has come to me for advice on ladies to pursue, and has shared with me how he was looking for a relationship. I have also heard from our friend network stories about people he’s dated and personal aspects of his life that he probably wouldn’t want others sharing. Even though I thought he was cute, I also knew better than to make any moves there; that is, until Valentine’s Day.

This year I hosted a Valentines Day singles party, and it was a blast. Everyone brought valentines and little boxes just like grade school; except alcohol was involved. I had confided in a friend that I thought RH might be someone I was interested in, and she pulled me aside during the party to ask if I had seen that he made me a special valentine (I have food allergies, and he made one that I wasn’t allergic to) or if I had realized that he brought my dog valentine too (swoon). The more I drank, the better idea all of this seemed to be. Much of this has been pieced together for me since that night, but apparently I told my best friend I wanted to make out with RH or some other guy (who liked guys too), and he got RH and I to go upstairs and play him in vodka pong. That is my last coherent memory of the evening.

I remember making RH drink the last cup of vodka. Then I remember being downstairs and someone (him?) drawing on my wall with sharpie. Next I remember participating in a very serious debate with him about how lady bugs are actually beetles, and then insisting that he come upstairs to my bedroom so I could show him the dead lady bug on my lightbulb. Next thing I know, we are in my bed and making out. Finally, I remember him leaving (to throw up, lol) and friends knocking on my door to let me know that my ceiling downstairs was leaking because my upstairs toilet had flooded. Did I mention how drunk I was?

Anyways, everything resolved itself and I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, he was still beside me. We kissed a bit more, and he let me know that he was sober, and still felt the same way (positively) about what occurred. I got up to do some recon on my house and let him sleep/recover. A friend came over to help clean up after the party, and saw him still over (ugh), and then we headed out and I drove him home. At the time, I remember being pretty embarrassed and feeling incredibly awkward. He was a good friend – did I ruin that friendship? Was he going to expect this to happen again any time we were drinking? Do all of our friends know? Later that weekend I got a text, “Clearly at some point we should talk – and I would really like to make up for the mess I made in your bathroom. Dinner sometime this week?”

[To be continued in next post]

Everything Falls Apart?

It’s time for another update. I realize that most of my updates start with me apologizing for being behind on updating, but this time around, things have been so chaotic and weird, that I haven’t really felt motivated to sit down and write. Thankfully, there has been a tiny bit of clarity recently, so I think I’m ready to put down in words everything that’s been going on. Apologies for the length of this post – it’s going to be a doozy.

It’s been a month since I last updated you. A month ago, TP and I had recently decided to get frisky, and had been seeing each other for a while. Since then, I have been having some health issues and have been spending most of my weekends either traveling home, going to Vegas (whoop, half marathon!), having my college roommate visit etc. TP and I had this great comfortable schedule going where we would see each other a few times a week – we had never really dealt with physical distance before, so this was a new obstacle for us; and one we didn’t handle too well.

The weekend of the 14th, I went home to NY. While I was home, we texted a little, but nothing crazy. I came back on Tuesday and he and I spent some time together. Everything was OK, but I was feeling a little weird in our communication. I knew I would be leaving again Saturday for Vegas, so we made plans to see one another on Friday. i tend to be a pretty sensitive person, and am usually quite aware of how those around me are feeling – knowing that he is a psychologist at a university, I realized that the end of the semester may be a pretty stressful time for him. Come Friday, it was clear he was tired, not feeling his normal self, and ready for the weekend. We did dinner, and I left his apartment by about 9 pm – I wanted to give him some space. Unfortunately, with a trip to Vegas looming, i probably should have spent a little more time with him.

The next morning, I boarded a plane to meet my friend Alex for our half marathon. The trip was great and we really enjoyed ourselves. Even so,  I was feeling a little weird, because I was hardly hearing from TP, and I expected more. This was my first half and he knew how hard I was working to prepare for it – it made me feel lousy when he didn’t even ask me how the race was until 2 days after it was over. I guess that’s a good thing though. Both of us are conflict avoidant, so I think having the time to really think about how I was feeling made it a little easier to talk about it when it all came up (Spoiler: it all comes up).

My trip ended on Tuesday, and I flew back home. TP and I exchanged a few texts and made plans for Friday which felt weird to me because usually he is looking forward to seeing me immediately – waiting a whole week wasn’t our norm. We made plans, I suggested we do something Wednesday (I wanted to talk to him), but in the end we left them with Friday. The entire week, I was on edge, feeling stressed, and very confused. I didn’t understand what I had done to make things weird between us, but I knew I deserved more than what he was giving me.

SO THEN

Friday, my college roommate was supposed to come to town, but he and I had plans to hang out a few hours before she did. She decided to surprise me, and left her home 3 hours early, cutting into all of the time I had set aside for TP. I was really excited to see her, so I wasn’t upset, but I was actually dreading having to spend another day waiting to talk to him and find out what was going on. So, in a moment of bravery, I called him. “Hey, do you have a few minutes? I don’t really want to talk about this over the phone, but I feel like things have been weird between us, and it’s affecting me personally. I just wanted to check in with you, because the idea of feeling confused over something that may be nothing for another day seems silly and unhealthy.” He assured me that nothing was wrong and that he was just stressed with work. I believed him.

An hour later, my phone rang and it was him again. “I feel like I haven’t been too honest with you – I too feel like things have been weird, and I’m not sure why.” We talked about it for a bit, and I asked him if he wanted to stop seeing me, and he said that yes, in fact, he thought that might be a good decision. I remained calm, although confused, and told him that I was disappointed. I didn’t understand how things could be so good and then I could go away, and he could decide to let that all drop. I calmly explained to him that I was sad because I thought he was a different kind of person, and I felt that he hadn’t really put any effort in to us working in quite some time. I asked if I had done anything wrong, and he said no – and I believe him. 

Now here is where things get weird. After all of this, he has some sort of “revelation.” He realizes how silly he is being, and decides he wants to give things a solid chance. This results in a complete change of attitude – he comes over and spends time with me and my college roommate, comes to the tailgate I am throwing the next day, sends me frequent and sweet text messages, and even brings over dinner on Sunday. He is attentive, thoughtful, and really genuinely trying.

We talked a bit more on Saturday, and I got some more clarity with where he stands and why he acted the way he did. There was a lot he shared, but here is the spark notes version:

• His coworker recently got drunk and told him she was romantically attracted to him. He isn’t interested in her romantically, but this really caught him off guard
• The woman he dated for three years just defended her dissertation. He thought about going to watch the defense. Again, he is not interested in her anymore, but felt that the consideration of going could be a betrayal to me
• Like most humans, he does not like being vulnerable. When we started getting physically distant, he didn’t know how to handle it and didn’t want to say anything
• Things are getting “more serious.” He is afraid of being hurt/hurting me (well duh, I am afraid of that too, stupid).
• He has this deep rooted belief that once people will get to really know him, they will realize how terrible he really is.
• Most of his relationships have been somewhat abusive (the women), so silence is his power, because it keeps him from having to share what he is thinking

I still don’t know how I feel about it all – especially the fact that on Friday he was ready to never see me again. It’s like a light switched off in his head – he said that when I stuck with him through the conversation and told him how I felt, it made him see a quality in me that he was really attracted to (and also one he saw in that ex he dated for three years). He has been trying incredibly hard for the past week+ and I recognize it and appreciate it, I am just a bit terrified myself of the vulnerable position he is putting me in – is he going to decide again that he never wants to talk to me? I don’t think so, but who knows. I should also share that he is only in his position at my university for a year, and on Sunday after all of this he asked me what happens when he picks a fellowship if things go well. He shared that was something that was on his mind – I am wondering if perhaps that nervousness played into our distance too.

So, there’s your update. Things are good mostly, but I’ve got my guard up. Growing up is hard and so is dating. I am trying my best to be mature and supportive of his needs without playing any games or being so afraid of vulnerability that I ruin something good. 

What do you all think? Am I crazy for giving this guy another shot?

-R

It is Because Things are Starting to Feel More Serious?

I consider myself to be self-aware. Infact, I think blogging about my dating life makes me even more aware, because I require myself to go back and actively reflect on things that have occurred, and how each of those things make me feel.

Throughout my posts, I have noticed a theme of my own personal insecurity which I’ll chalk up to being a female. Am I good enough? is he just settling? Why would someone like that like someone like me? It probably doesn’t help that among all of these feelings, I am still in the process of getting to know a new person, and understanding their communication styles.

As I shared in my last post, TP and I finally slept with each other on Sunday. The next day, he sent me a few texts, but was relatively quiet (aside from pretty much the sweetest text ever as I headed home on Sunday evening). Come Tuesday, we had plans to hang out, and he sent me a message asking me what I wanted to do that evening.

I suggested that we either watch a movie, make dinner, play scrabble, or just pretend like we were going to do one of the three former, and instead just do the whole kissing thing. He responded with “I’ll bring Scrabble, and we’ll see how things progress.” Im not sure why adding sex to the equation suddenly makes me an insecure ball of annoying, but his response left me terrified that I had screwed everything up an that he no longer liked me.

We had a really great day on Tuesday – we cooked dinner together and played Scrabble (he won, but not by a lot). Then, we laid on the couch and just cuddled, which was the greatest. My mind was running a lot, and I was feeling really weird – he asked me what I was thinking, and I shared “will you tell me if you no longer like me?” to which he responded, “are you really worried about that? You shouldn’t be.” Thing is, of course I’m worried – I am putting myself into an incredibly vulnerable position in liking him, and I am absolutely terrified about how that will play out. He then asked if it was because things were starting to feel more serious, which again, I responded yes.

Today, my ex boyfriend sent me an email trying to fix things. I wish i could look into the future and see where things with TP are going – does he think we are in a relationship (i think so)? does he think this is something worth working towards? Am I still going to like him in a few months? I know answers to these questions don’t simply present themselves, but it would be pretty fantastic if they did. 

Hopefully another day and another date will give me more clarity.

What do you all think?

Oh also, we did it again, and it was awesome. #win

Not so Lonely Island

Remember that time I complained for a solid month and a half about how TP and I were seeing each other, but we weren’t yet sleeping with one another? How about that time when we slept together, and then I left you all hanging, and didn’t post about it for over a week? Me too. Anyways, here is the post you’ve all been waiting for: TP and I got it on. 

Let me set the stage for you. Sunday of last week, I went over to TPs and we did work together on his couch for a few hours. I was kind of crabby because in my mind I decided he no longer liked me, and that doing homework was his way of maintaining his distance. While I may have initially felt that way, I was really pleased with how productive we were able to be together – it felt good to be able to lay in bed with him a few hours later, and to feel like I had gotten done more work than I had initially expected to. 

So anyways, after some work, I made a comment about how tired I was, and he jokingly (seriously) suggested that we go lay down in his bed for a little. I accepted the offer, and within about two minutes we were kissing. As was our usual routine by now, clothing flew, touching occurred, and then somewhere around 8:30pm I was straddling him and all sorts of turned on. Now, as you may recall, he had mentioned a few weeks back that he wanted the moment to be right, so my head was running a mile a minute thinking about how I didn’t want to pressure him.

“I don’t want to pressure you to do anything you don’t want to,” I said. “Like what?” he replied. “You know…” and with that exchange, he adjusted us and pushed me down so that our conversation and my concerns were immediately a thought of the past. The rest was a pretty big whirlwind. I can’t remember details, all I know is that somehow he managed to flip us so that he was pinning me, and I have not a single complaint anything that occurred. I guess my fears over him not being very good were squashed.

I am going to end this post here, as I want to write another post about our two most recent hangouts. Just figured you all might enjoy knowing that (1) we finally did it and (2) it was freaking awesome.

-R

The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For

FINALLY!

Update to come 🙂

Blogging Buzzed

Holy crap.

I have been thinking that I need to update this bad boy, but sitting down to do it has been something I have been less than inclined to do. Lucky you all, you are about to get a doozy of a post, all brought to you by our favorite friend: alcohol.

I started to write a bit about my evening, but then I remembered that I had been discussing my blog with K’s roommate and he seemed quite interested. I have the sneaking suspicion that he is half as good of an internet stalker researcher as I am, so I am not going to say too much here about people he knows, in the event that he is able to locate me. I will say however, that one of the more amusing parts of my evening was, after a discussion about how I generally smell good, him saying, “I’m about to be really weird right now, I hear you smell good – can I sniff you?” Highlight. Of. My. Night.

There isn’t much else to say about last night, it was weird. One of our friends got highly intoxicated, and kept kissing our faces and hugging, and telling us how beautiful we were. Our other friend decided to cut out about 30 minutes after entering the bar because he was tired. All in all, it was a fun night and we did a bunch of awkward dancing and drinking, and I felt young and old all at the same time.

Now – let’s talk about TP. I owe you all a bunch of updates, so I am sorry in advanced for how long this post is going to be.

On Tuesday (sorry it’s been almost a week!) I went over to his place and brought him dinner and dessert. He ate and we watched YouTube videos for about an hour or so, and then fooled around on his couch, and then in his bed shortly thereafter. Still no sex. Anyways, after a bunch of kissing and cuddling, we just laid there for a few minutes in silence. I knew he had something to say, so kept my mouth shut and just waited. Eventually, he said, “I don’t really know what this means… but… I really like you. And I dont want to see anyone else, and I don’t want you to see anyone else either.” I agreed. I think he was angling for a “will you be my girlfriend?” but I am kind of relieved we left it at that and he didn’t outright ask. 

On Friday, I had an event that I was in charge of where a bunch of young professionals came and hung out at a local bar. A few of my really good friends and classmates showed up, as did TP. I knew it was going to be interesting because he’s a pretty affectionate dude, but I wasn’t sure how things were going to turn out. Overall, I am a bit undecided if I was happy with the outcome. Throughout the night, he kept holding my hand, touching my back, and telling me how badly he wanted to kiss me. It was lovely to get that kind of affection and to feel like he liked me, but it was also a bit uncomfortable because he is just a guy I am seeing right now, and I hadn’t told a lot of my friends about him. I guess they got the message though. As far as my classmates were concerned, they really seemed to like him too – maybe even too much? They invited him to our next 10+ hangouts, and the boys invited him over to play poker. Well – I suppose that’ll be a good thing if I decide I want him to be my boyfriend.

We are supposed to spend some time together today in about two hours, and I am feeling pretty in the middle about it. On one hand, I am really excited to see him – when we are together, I feel really great and I leave with a big smile on my face. I like seeing him, I like being around him, and I think he’s a great guy. On the other hand, I know after I leave, I’ll spend a good chunk of the week with dead air, hardly communicating with him and thinking about how great he is. It’s silly how wonderful he is in person, and how terribly that translates when not face-to-face. I brought it up with him on Tuesday though, so maybe some time will help things to become more clear.

I promise a more speedy update in the next few days.

 

Dead Air

It’s time again for another update on TP (The Psychologist). I know my blog attracts a lot of new readers each post, so I am going to give a quick backstory so those of you who are new are in the know. So without further ado, where we left off: The Psychologist is a Post Doctoral intern who works at the university I am employed by. He and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and things have been great. About two weeks ago, I mentioned I wanted to take things slow with him re: sex, and just recently (like Tuesday of this week), he made a comment about not being ready either. He is 28, has had a number of partners, but said that with different people at different phases in his life, he has wanted it to be different. With me, he wants the timing to be right.

Intermission over.

On Friday, TP came over at about 7:15 after both of us had a pretty long week. We had plans to have a sleepover and to spend some time together. After a trip to the gym (him), and an afternoon of chores and cleaning (me), he came over and we cooked dinner together. I really enjoy when we get to do that. We also talked a bit at dinner about a bunch of different stuff. I like getting to hear about his day and just feeling comfortable when we talk.

We watched The Invention of Lying, which is one of my favorite movies. He had yet to see it, but he really enjoyed it. Then, we went upstairs to bed, which really constituted a whole bunch of fooling around and chatting. Things got a little steamy, clothing got removed, and suddenly he stopped and looked me in the eyes and said, “I’d really like to go down on you.” Now, I should probably pause for a second and say that I cant remember the last time I let a guy to that – it’s a bit intimate in my opinion, and I always feel weird when it happens. This time however, for some reason I was feeling rather trusting and comfortable, so I said OK. I should probably also mention that it was fucking awesome.

Obviously, there came a point where I returned the favor, and it didn’t seem like there were any complaints on his end either. It’s funny… I am in my mid 20s and have had a number of relationships, so I am not inexperienced when it comes to that kind of thing, but I always feel so nervous when I am with someone new. I am probably not as experienced as the rest of the general population, and it was never really anything I was able to talk to anyone about, so I always just cross my fingers and hope I am not making some crazy faux pas. Considering how quickly he finished and all the positive remarks he made afterwards (and during), I think I can squash those concerns.  Also, because it’s humorous and relevant to the story that is to come, my dog jumped into the bed with us and started licking his face right as TP finished.

So with that, we went to sleep, cuddling. The next morning we woke up and there was a bit more fooling around and cuddling, but mostly there was some good conversation. The two things that stand out in my mind were as follows:

1. Half asleep, I asked him to tell me a story. He responded “last night, when your dog jumped into the bed, you said ‘[dog] has only joined you in bed with another person once. I know we have talked about past relationships and things like that, but I noticed at that moment that I was finding myself feeling pretty jealous. I don’t normally feel jealous, but at that moment I did. I think that’s an indicator that I must really like you.”
2. He also shared with me that he had a dream about us going on a date together, which he prefaced by saying, “I know I must be quite fond of you because you are even appearing in my dreams now.”

After a while, we got up, I made him some coffee, and we spent a little time together drinking our coffee and just cuddling. Then, we went our separate ways to get our work and errands accomplished for the day.

Overall? Sleepover was a huge success.

You know, it feels good to feel liked. I can tell that he enjoys spending time with me, and I really appreciate how present he is when we are together. My one pet peeve is that when we are not, I am not a huge fan of how much/often he communicates. We send texts (probably about 5-10 a day), and I always find myself being the last one to respond, and waiting checking my phone wondering if he will write back. In his defense, he does start most of our conversations, and definitely is the one to initiate plans and things like that, but it’s weird to spend such good time with someone 2/3/4 days a week, and then to hardly communicate with them all the rest of the week.

I am not stressing over this, because that would be silly. I am just trying to take a page out of his book, and to really think about what is important to me, and how I am feeling throughout getting to know him. I understand that people have different needs in terms of relationship styles or communication, but I just find that the more/better I communicate with someone, the better I feel about the situation I am involved in. It’s weird to sit back and think “maybe he doesn’t like me at all,” when his actions when we are together clearly indicate otherwise.

For now, I am just going to let things play out and see if it doesn’t get a little better in time (also, uh, if he doesnt make a move soon, obviously :-p). Everything else about him is absolutely wonderful, so I am not going to let this be a deal breaker. In fact, I am going to do the opposite. In many ways, this gives me a chance to really explore my feelings and decide how I feel about him before we come to a point where I have to consider the whole “will you be my girlfriend” thang.

So, how do I intend to do this? By living life, silly.

Last night, I went out with my closest girl friend out here and we had a great time. Flirted with two pilots, convinced a guy to literally give us the shirt off his back, ate good mexican food, and drank a whole lot.

Have I mentioned lately how great life is?

Removing Clothing

I suppose it’s time for another update on the progress of things with TP and myself. Since my last post, we had exchanged a few emails and texts on Monday, and made plans to spend time together on Tuesday. As Tuesday rolled around, we made plans to meet up at 7:15 for dinner, and then to go back to his place to hang out afterwards.

Dinner was great, we had Indian food, and hung out and talked after out meal. He told me stories of college and graduate school, and I enjoyed laughing at his tales. Towards the end of dinner, we debated how quickly a couple should get engaged, and the timeline from engagement to wedding and where living with a partner fits into things. We had different perspectives on the topic, but I think that’s ok. That’s not to say that we were talking about our own trajectories, because that would just be crazy. We were just debating for the sake of getting to understand one another better.

We then went back to his place where we chatted and cuddled some more. After a while there was a whole lot of fooling around, and as the subject of this piece suggests, even more removal of clothing. He suggested we head to his bed, and with that, we did. By this time, the only clothing we both were wearing was our underwear. More fooling around occurred, and more chatting. It was really great.

At one point, he told me that he was thinking to himself, “if she said she was ready to have sex tonight, what would I do?” In the end, he determined that he would say no, but it wouldn’t be easy. His rationale was that it wasn’t the right moment yet, and he wasn’t ready yet. I asked a bit further about how he would know if he was ready, and he said something about just knowing and the moment being right.

I let him know that I was happy to hear that. I shared that while right now I may be “willing” to sleep with him, I think there would be some vulnerability there in not knowing what he thought about us, or if he would want to spend more time with me. He asked if that was something I thought I would ever get over, and I made it clear that it was something that developed in time, and was something I could see developing between us.

He sent me a text after I left telling me that his bed was way better with me in it, and we exchanged a few texts in the morning and afternoon on Wednesday. In one, he let me know that “if I was concerned, he still liked me.” I found that message to be a little annoying/condescending, but I know that was not at all his intent.

So, that’s where we are at. A whole lot of nudity, a whole lot of waiting for the right moment, and enjoying spending time with one another. I am feeling a little bit weird because I havent heard from him since 2:00pm yesterday, but we have a sleepover planned for tomorrow night, and we both were up pretty late on Tuesday, so I am not freaking out just yet. Not that I will ever really freak out – I’m pretty nonchalant about all of this type of stuff.

So internet. Would you be offended if a guy told you he wouldn’t sleep with you at that moment if you asked him to? Or, would you appreciate the fact that he is trying to be romantic/respectful? I am leaning towards the latter.

Look for an update in the coming days about our sleepover.

-R.

P.S. I definitely am going to be a creep and make a joke and put on a full set of footie pajamas and pretend that’s what I sleep in. Mwahahaha

Talking All Night

It’s been a really good weekend. Dating is such a wonderful feeling when it goes right, and you aren’t constantly playing guessing games and feeling self-conscious. For those of you new to this blog, I have recently started seeing a guy who is a psychologist at the university I work at – I have dubbed him TP (The Psychologist). Things have been going good so far, but we are still in the early stages of dating, so there’s still a bit of getting to know each other happening. Here is my weekend update on the progress of TP:

Friday– TP came over at around 8:30 pm after going to a dinner at his bosses house. I gave him the out, should he not be interested in hanging out (it was late), and he decided to come spend time with me anyways. We kissed for about 10 minutes of the evening, and spent the other 4+ hours laying on the couch, cuddling, and talking. The conversation was organic, and sweet. I really needed a lot of it to feel more comfortable where we were. He told me how much he likes me and how worried he is that he is coming on too strong. I shared with him that I wanted him to meet some other people in our area (he is still new to town), and that I was enjoying spending time with him. We talked a bit about our takes on sex, our histories, and how the past month has been going for us (great)

Saturday – On Saturday we went to the symphony (you’ll remember, I brought I male friend “J”. he brought a female friend, and we set up a blind date situation). The two ended up liking each other enough, but still want to spend some more time together with us around to see if there is anything there. During the first five minutes of the symphony, TP whispered “can I hold your hand?” and J heard and teased me about it later. He said that he really likes TP – he can tell that he is genuine, and way better than the other guy I was seeing earlier in the summer. After the symphony, I went over to TPs for a little bit, and we hung out and talked/made out a bit. He proposed that we try having a sleepover sometime in the near future. I think I’d like that.

Sunday – Today we met up for a few hours to get work done together at Starbucks. I am working on my PhD and my education is really important to me. Having someone I can get work done around is a necessity. I managed to get a bit done, and during the work I received a few gchat messages from him telling me how badly he wanted to kiss me, and how distracting I was being. It was quite sweet. 

We said our goodbyes and made plans for Tuesday. Overall, it was a pretty great weekend, and I am quite happy with the time I spent with TP. To get a little personal, I think it’s time that I invite him for a sleepover this weekend, and potentially instigate taking things to the next level (I am going to sex that boy so hard). So far, I haven’t been disappointed – he is a great kisser, sweet, an excellent cuddler, and he turns me on quite a bit. I just hope I find that his abilities in the bedroom match his abilities everywhere else. If so – I am going to be one happy girl.

So – internet. It’s been a month of us dating, I have never waited this long to sleep with someone. Should I make the night special? How? Teach me your ways.